Caught Between Two Lives
by AshlynMorgan
Summary: Cole finally faces what it means to accept he is both Cole Turner and Belthazor. This causes problems with two women in his life. Phoebe who loves Cole and the woman who wants Belthazor.


This is my first attempt at writing for this fandom so I hope I haven't made to many mistakes. I hope you will take a moment to review this once you've completed it. This is just the first chapter, I know, it's extremely long. It was supposed to be a short story yet I haven't managed to complete of those in any fandom I write for yet. This story was inspired by the pain Cole has endured during this season of Charmed.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own them. I wish I did. Prue would still be alive and Cole would not be in the state he's in.  
  
Warnings: Sex, Mild Violence and Language. Oh, a little mental breakdown but we've already been watching Cole suffer from that on the show right?  
  
What do you want from me?" He asks softly, avoiding her sympathetic gaze. Damn those brown eyes of hers. Those eyes always soften whatever was left of his heart. I don't need her. He tells himself, not even believing it. How can he make her believe it then?  
  
"I'm worried about you, Cole." Phoebe replies gently, when she reaches out to touch his shoulder, her heart breaks when he cowers away. She'd seen him struggle before, between the good and evil that boils beneath his skin. She herself had struggled with that battle too, when she fell in love with him. To see him now, cowering like a struck child in the strikingly bare penthouse, it just shakes her to the core. "Something is going on inside you and I want to try and ease your pain."  
  
"You're not the healer, Phoebes, send Leo instead." He hisses angrily, clutching at his dark brown hair as the agony fills him once more. His soul lies in the balance and he is losing the battle to keep it. Kill her. He can feel the voice growing louder. Go ahead, she is the one responsible for this. She lied to you, Belthazor, she pretended to love you. Promised to marry you and spend eternity together. Now look at her? She is laughing at you. Laughing at how weak and pathetic you have become. "SHUT UP." He yells in a voice so forceful is drives Phoebe to step back, afraid of the shift she feels in the room.  
  
She can feel the premonition before she sees it and it drops her to her knees. He kills me...no...The premonition is changing...I kill him...  
  
Watching her struggling with the visions while brought to her knees brings out a fury of emotions within him. One side yearns to kneel beside her, hold her close and tell her everything will be okay. That he can release the evil and be the Cole Turner she loves.  
  
No, she doesn't love you anymore, because you aren't Cole Turner. He is a work of fiction you are as much a demon as she is Witch. Why should you deny your heritage to appease hers? Where is your strength? Aren't you Belthazor? There are other women, destroy this one, cast her aside like she'd cast a spell and vanquish you...again.  
  
"Cole..you have to fight this." Phoebe urges, suddenly finding the strength to keep her premonitions at bay. Until he makes a decision on which he really is, the outcome will not be clear. However, something inside her feels with the unnerving truth. One of them will end up dead. "Please let me help you?"  
  
"You can't even help yourself!" He lashes out with an evil laugh, rising to his full height and towering over her. He can feel the power surging through his veins, pumping the energy back into his body. "I never even loved you." He spits out, smiling when she looks at him with pain. "It was just a trick." With a wave of a hand he produces a bouquet of Yellow roses and offers them to her. "See, a trick." When she doesn't take the flowers he shrugs and drops them, waving a hand they turn to dust. "You were the weakest link, Phoebe and that's why I chose you."  
  
"That was before." Phoebe demands, knowing she is losing Cole and coming closer and closer to dealing with Belthazor. "You love me; Cole and you would never want to hurt me."  
  
"Cole would never want to hurt you." He nods his head in agreement. "Yet, you always wanted to hurt him."  
  
"You speak as if you are two people." Phoebe informs him, resisting the urge to call out to her sisters for help. She started this alone and she wanted to finish it alone.  
  
"Everyone has more than one side." He taunts before closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again, they look almost like the ocean, beckoning her towards him. "I love you so much. I hate that I need you." Cole admits painfully. "Why Phoebe? Leo and Piper were able to make it work and no one from his world wanted it to happen." Reaching out to touch her face, he is pleasantly surprised when she accepts the tender caress. Her skin is like ecstasy to his touch. He presses his lips against hers and feels her take his tongue into her mouth, caressing and moving it against her own. Her taste is driving him mad. His love for her is driving him insane. Pulling away, he breaks the kiss and turns away, and screams out. "MAKE THIS STOP."  
  
"Cole." Phoebe whispers gently, the warmth of his kiss still aching against her pouting lips. "I want to make your pain stop but we have tried this. It will never work. You can't be a Demon and work for the underworld and be involved with a Charmed one. It was foolish to try it to begin with."  
  
"Foolish." He manages to crack out. "That is the word you use for the love I gave you?" Turning to face her, she can see the tears welling in his eyes as they threaten to boil over. "I loved you with everything I had in me. I tried to be who you needed me to be, who you wanted to be. I accepted that it would be hard."  
  
"You tried to kill me." She reminds him.  
  
"You vanquished me." He retorts. "You believe I am at fault for all of this? That I brought you nothing but pain and agony? That our love was foolish? Then to Hell with you, Phoebe Halliwell, I hope to never lay eyes on you again. You'd be wise to see to it that I don't." With that, he is gone; leaving her alone in the room that is now just a shell of a place. No furniture, a couple of boxes that he didn't even bother to shimmer with him. Looking through the boxes, she then sees why. It's mementos from their time together and he has left that behind him now. The Cole she knew was gone and in his place was a Demon who wished her banished to Hell. The problem was, he had the power to do it.  
  
hr  
  
"You were crazy." She laughs at him as he rubs the oil into her back. Lounging in the oversized bed on blood red satin sheets, she can feel her toes curl at his touch. "You honestly thought your marriage would work with a Charmed one?" When he pulls away, the raven-haired beauty with big blue eyes lets out a sigh. "Sorry, you came to the wrong place if you wanted sympathy."  
  
"No shit." He mumbles, stretching his naked form, his firm body still tense even after the marathon sexual session. "Why do I always come back here?"  
  
"Because I understand you." The woman replies with a smile, sitting up in bed and making no attempt to hide her body, loving how it feels to have him ravish her with his lust filled gaze. "We are cut from the same cloth, Belthazor." When he cringes she rolls her eyes. "Are you really that used to being called...what was it again? Turner Coleman?"  
  
"I've gotten used to Cole Turner when I'm in human form." He replies angrily and then sighs when she laughs at him. "You are a real Bitch."  
  
"Actually that's Demon Witch, but thank you, dear one. So, you want me to kill her for you?" Luciania asks. When he gives her an evil glare she grins. "Just offering. I know you won't do it yourself and you can forget about earning back any respect from the underworld as long as they know the Charmed Ones are your weak spot. Someone might just take them out to prove that Belathazor's time has past."  
  
"That someone might be you?" He asks, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
"No. I enjoy the sex too much, beloved." She purrs, sizzling up against his body as she moves almost like a cat to climb on top of him, as expected, she is quickly flipped and he has her hands pinned against the sheets. His eyes dance with almost devilish intent as he just takes in her beauty. "You going to Fuck me or stare at me?" She asks as he thrusts into her, hard and fast, their bodies moving together as one as she screams out, fighting against his hands, but unable to get free. "That's it...work out the anger, Belthazor..." When he stops suddenly she closes her eyes and moans. "You want me to call you Cole?"  
  
"No, it's just...Luciania, you were playing with my thoughts earlier today." He informs her, his body is still pressed against her as he looks down at her. "You were causing me the pain."  
  
Pushing him away from her, she hops up from the bed, her petite form quickly moves away from him. For a moment, she is tempted to just shimmer out then she turns to face him. "I was trying to ease your pain! You were the one crying out like some sniveling infant asking for someone to make it stop. I made it stop. You are such an ungrateful Bastard." Folding her arms across her naked chest she narrows her blazing eyes. "I could have made you snap her stupid little neck, but I knew THAT would bring you more pain. Instead, I allowed you to free your thoughts and discover what she truly thought of you."  
  
"You manipulated me!" He growls, emerging from bed and hurriedly throwing on his clothes. "After all these years, you'd think I would have learned not to trust you."  
  
"After all these years you'd think you'd learn when someone was playing with your thoughts, Almighty Source of all Evil." The woman rages. "What has become of you? You brought that little do gooder down to our side and she lasted for like ten minutes. She even lost your child, Cole and do you think she cared? No? Of course not, she was grateful to have that source of evil out of her." Pacing the length of the Gothic bedroom, she continues. "You could have had anyone, Belthazor. The pick of any demon who would have LOVED to have carried your child, but no. You pick not only a good witch, but also a damn Charmed one. It's a disgrace to the man that I have known all these years."  
  
He crosses the room quickly and pushes her up against the wall, his hands cupping her face as he takes in the meaning of her words. "You want my child, little one? You want to combine our forces and create life? To spend eternity at my side?"  
  
"I never said that." She taunts. "I would never allow myself to be anyone's second choice. If you want a real Queen, someone who will make sure you gain everything you are entitled too. A wife who will raise your children and drive you mad in bed every moment you want it, then come to me. You want true love and all that gushy stuff that the Charmed one has been feeding you, to lose what is left of your true self and become a mere mortal, then go to her. You will die before you can even enjoy your newly founded bliss. You've been that route before, Belthazor and it drove you running back to the underground."  
  
"You say you won't be second choice yet you don't utter love for me." He whispers before biting down hard on her lip before capturing a rough kiss.  
  
"I don't need love, Belthazor. I need power; respect and everything that being your Queen could give me. However, if you choose to go back to Phoebe, I'm sure the next Source will find use for my many talents. Think it over and get back to me okay." She shimmers out before he can answer, and this time it is he that is left alone. Except this room isn't empty, at least not with possessions. This one has the finest crafted furniture, bold and gothic, just like the little vixen he has dallianced with off and on over the decades. Except, there are no precious mementos here. Nothing that says love has even existed. Sex and power...but not love. Sitting on the bed, he holds his head in his hands and ponders his decision.  
  
Phoebe would love him if he could just turn back to being mortal. If he turned his back on his heritage, on the man he has been for all this time, and be whom she wants and needs, then he will receive love. He will also die. Either from someone challenging her and the Charmed ones or a demon with a grudge against him who wants to take advantage of his new found weakness.  
  
Luciania would give him power, respect, and be everything the King of the underworld would need in a Queen. She would happily raise his children and help him rule his empire. She knows him, every part of him, and does not fear him. Just despises him when he turns too human for her liking. Either way he is left with an aching void, but which one would hurt less? He looks down at the wedding ring mark on his finger that is slowly fading away and then at the sheets that lay carelessly over the bed that felt so good against his skin while they were fucking. One thing is for sure; he has to decide something soon. His head is beginning to ache and he can't handle the pain much longer.  
  
hr "Phoebes? You okay?" Paige asks as she watches her older sister stare blankly out the window. "You expecting someone to arrive?"  
  
"No. I saw Cole today." She begins and when her younger sister groans she jumps up from the couch angrily. "Forget it. This is why I didn't even want to bring it up."  
  
"Bring what up?" Piper asks as she enters the living room, holding her stomach. "Ok, it's not soccer season, stop kicking me kid."  
  
"Phoebe went and saw Cole today." Paige announces as Piper shakes her head and Phoebe glares. "She doesn't want to talk about it though."  
  
"Fat chance now." Phoebe mutters, knowing Piper will keep up with the questions until she breaks it down for them. "Listen, I went to him because the last time I saw him, he looked like he was really suffering."  
  
"Damn suffering Demon." Paige grumbles. "It's those eyes of his, he makes them look all tortured and poof, and there goes our sister."  
  
"Paige, let her continue." Piper snaps. "Okay, so you went to him because he looked like he was in pain and that surprised you? You guys got divorced, he's brooding cause you are moving on, Phoebe. Men brood and Demon's...well they brood even more. You can't allow yourself to get sucked back into his life again. It nearly destroyed you and us."  
  
"See? I never even get a chance to explain myself. I went to him to try and ease him pain, not to take him back." She touches her lips and swears she can still feel his kiss there. Pushing that thought from her brain she continues. "When I got to the place where he was staying, everything was already gone, only a couple of boxes were left but he looked awful. I have seen him struggle with the good and bad within himself before, but nothing like this. Think Sybil with fewer personalities."  
  
"Ahh.." Both sisters nod their head. Phoebe shrugs her shoulders and collapses into the couch. "So, I tried reaching out to him, but he kept switching on me, personality wise. One minute he was Cole, the next he was Belthazor. Whenever I could reach Cole, I'd somehow end up saying something to make his pain even greater. Then up would pop the Demon personality and I started getting these premonitions, first he was killing me, then I was killing him. I don't understand it. I guess as his personality changed, so did the future outcome."  
  
"So basically, you're saying your ex is having a meltdown of sorts and one way ends with you dead and the other way ends with you killing him?" Piper asks, her maternal instincts going into overdrive. "You didn't think to say, maybe CALL US when you started fearing for your life?"  
  
"I never really felt like he was going to kill me. It's strange. I mean I know it was Cole, but it was like someone else was speaking for him." Phoebe explains and then feels a chill run up her spine as voice coldly remarks.  
  
"Very observant, and to think they called you the stupid one down below." Luciania taunts as she emerges in the room. When she see's the sister's get in defense mode, she laughs. "I'm not here to kill any of you. Let someone else go through the trouble. Phoebe, you have got to let Cole go. He doesn't exist, not really."  
  
"Who in the Hell are you?" Phoebe demands.  
  
"I'm the one Belthazor always runs to when he wants a real woman." She smiles smugly. "See he's been doing this do gooder struggling stuff every now and then for years. Some hapless person is in trouble and the human side of Belthazor kicks in and he saves them or something. See, then he goes through this cycle where he gets confused, should I be good like a Hero or be true to my real self and go back to being a Demon."  
  
"He is just as much human as he is Demon; therefore both Cole and Belthazor exist." Paige points out to the two women who both shoot her withering glares. "Sorry, but it just seems like one of you is trying to convince the other that their "whatever you want to call him" doesn't exist. Obviously, he does and the dual life is driving him crazy." Cocking her head to the side she asks curiously. "Think they have a place for that in a psych ward? You know, like if you're half white-lighter and half demon or half dark lighter and half-human? I mean you can see where he could be confused."  
  
"He's going to have to figure this out for himself." Comes a husky voice as Cole shimmers in and Piper sighs.  
  
"Doesn't anyone use the damn door anymore?" She demands just as Leo enters the same way as the two demons except he orbs. "See? Why even have a door?"  
  
"What's going on here?" Leo demands, standing protectively in front of his wife.  
  
"Leo!" Luciania laughs. "I haven't seen you in ages. God, not since I renounced the good witch in me and turned fully to the underworld...how are things?'  
  
"You know her?" Piper demands.  
  
"Oh yeah, we go way back. I was one of Leo's first cases" Luciania cackles. "The Elders sent him to try and revert me back to being a good Witch. He didn't have much luck. I'm surprised he even got a chance at watching over you guys. Okay, so you were saying, Belthazor?"  
  
"I was saying I have to figure this thing out for myself without you playing with my thoughts." He points at her and narrows his eyes. "Don't try it again or I won't react so nicely next time."  
  
"Yeah yeah, promises, promises." Luciania rolls her eyes. "The longer you cling to this human do gooder stuff the more pain you will be in. You know this too; I can see it within you. Well, it's about time."  
  
"Go away." Cole demands as he waves a hand and sends her out of the house. He smiles in spite of himself. Some of these new powers are pretty cool. "I can't guarantee she will stay gone or won't come back really pissed, but that packed a pretty heavy a punch if I do say so myself." He smiles smugly. Looking over at Leo he shakes his head. "What? You think I came here to hurt them?"  
  
"I don't trust you." Leo says angrily. "I won't allow.."  
  
"Be gone." Cole announces as he waves his hand and sends Leo soaring out of the room as well. "Don't worry, Piper, I didn't send him far. He will probably orb back in any time now." Turning to Phoebe he announces. "We need to talk." He shimmers out of the room and then back in just to grab Phoebe before shimmering out again.  
  
"Paige, we need to follow them." Piper demands.  
  
"I can't. I think he's put some kind of block on my powers or something. The more he is embracing his Demon self, the stronger he is getting. I can't sense where they are." Paige explains.  
  
"LEO!!" Piper yells. "LEO, WE NEED YOU BACK HERE NOW!!"  
  
hr "What are you doing?" Phoebe demands as they stand back in the same room they began their argument. "Why are we here? Where are my sisters?"  
  
"I've temporarily blocked them from sensing you. Don't worry, I'm not planning on hurting you." His voice is reassuring as he offers her a place to sit on the floor. "Sorry, all packed up, unless you want me to zap in a chair or something."  
  
"I want to know why you brought me back here." She demands.  
  
"Because the last time we were here, I wasn't doing the talking, Luciania and you were. I think I deserve a chance to voice my own opinion, don't you?" His aquamarine eyes bore into her as she nods her head reluctantly. "Can't you at least let me call them so they know I am fine?"  
  
Handing her a cell phone, he sits down on the floor against the wall and listens to her rushed conversation. "No, I'm fine, don't worry about me. I will call you if I need you, he doesn't plan on hurting me, that much I know." Hanging up the phone she turns to him.  
  
"You had the chance to tell them where you were." He comments as she raises an eyebrow.  
  
"You said you wanted to speak, no way that will happen if my sisters and Leo all show up. So go ahead, what do you need to say to me?" Phoebe asks.  
  
"Goodbye." He says simply. "I'm never going to be all good or all bad, Phoebe, no one is. However, I realize my bad is different from most and it keeps us from being together. The more I fought that realization the weaker I became and the more tortured my soul was. I signed those divorce papers without really expecting to let you go. See, I believed you would return to me." He offers her a smile and she returns it. "I can't function in the boundaries you need for the relationship and you can't turn your back on your life to be with me."  
  
"You could turn away from the Demon side. I have that potion still." Phoebe pleads.  
  
"Right and then I would be mortal and anyone could kill me and you can keep hoping Leo orbs in and saves the day?" He shudders at the thought. "NO, that won't work either. I am just what Paige said, both Cole and Belthazor, merged into one being. I won't sacrifice myself again, Phoebe, to go back and repeat history. We tried this before and I was tempted by the power and took the temptation." Cole looks down at his hands and sighs softly. "I like having my powers and there is a big part of me who wants to rule the underworld."  
  
"Which will make us enemies? I will be forced to kill you." Phoebe demands angrily as she thinks back to her premonition and is startled to hear him laugh at her.  
  
"You can make that choice to try, Phoebes, but I wouldn't bet on it working out just the way you planned. I'm a lot stronger than you ever realized and I just chose not to hurt you or your sisters. I can't guarantee that others won't try but you can take care of yourself. However, if you come looking for me, then I will have no choice but to defend my family and myself." He announces as she looks at him in shock.  
  
"What family?" Phoebe stutters.  
  
"I got made an offer that's pretty tempting." Cole admits with a smile. "I haven't decided if I will accept it yet, but I do want an Heir, children, and a wife who wants to be Queen. I realize now, that's not the life you wanted. It hurts, but it's a pain I think we can both live with if we just let each other go. So, Phoebe Halliwell, the first true love of my life, I am saying goodbye and good luck. I hope you find whatever it is that will make you happy." Taking her hand, he arches his head to drop the softest of kisses against the pulse of her wrist. "Unless, of course, you've decided that you want to go to the underworld again?"  
  
"No, like you said. We can't repeat history." She whispers softly. "You were supposed to be my one true love, at least I thought so."  
  
"Settle on one of your true loves instead? Listen, I won't be back looking for you or your sisters, so please think about what I said. I don't want to have to come up against you, or your family, but I will not leave my own defenseless. I love you, Phoebe." Without another word, he is gone and the door to the penthouse opens.  
  
hr "I was expecting you." Luciania replies with a smile as she offers him some wine. "So, still mad at me?"  
  
"Yes." He growls as he takes the wine and sips. "Course it would serve you right if I just cast you aside."  
  
"Right, I don't think you are quite that powerful yet, Belthazor and so help me if you shimmer me again I will drive a stake through your heart."  
  
"Chill Buffy." Cole retorts. "This must be my day for witches to underestimate my power."  
  
"I'm not just Witch, Darling; I'm Demon too. You still have that Human thing to deal with. Now, let's get down to business. I played with your thoughts, you got pissed, you shimmered me, I got pissed, and we're even. So, you ready to try and play house?" She asks with a sultry voice. "Wait, you still grieving over the little Phoebster?"  
  
"Don't. I'm not going to play these games with you." Rising to his full height he begins to unbutton his shirt. "So, you want to have my child and be Queen right?"  
  
Licking her lips, she smiles seductively. "That sounds about right. I thought you didn't want to play games, Belthazor." She laughs as his shirt falls from his body and he pulls her close. "How is it even after all these years, I never grow tired of the sex?"  
  
"Because it's good." He mumbles against her neck, her long black hair surrounding him. "You have to make a promise though, and if you can't be truthful, then don't do it."  
  
"You are so predictable." She groans as his hand inches up her skirt. "I know, no killing the Charmed Ones."  
  
"Unless they attack first." He adds to her surprise. "What? If you are going to be my wife, I'm not going to have you make a promise that could leave you or our children in danger. I gave Phoebe my vow that I would never initiate the battle, but I couldn't guarantee there wouldn't be others who would try. That is the life she and her sister's have chosen." He trails kisses down the beautiful woman's neck as continues his explanation. "However, you will not order anyone to kill them. If they come searching for us, then we will handle them. Otherwise, we have no use for them. Now, you ready to stop talking?"  
  
"Anytime you are." She laughs as they fall into bed together. "Belthazor, what If I told you something else that might surprise you?"  
  
"I thought we wanted to stop talking?" He growls, ripping off her skirt and panties with one forceful tug.  
  
"I never said I wouldn't grow to love you." She murmurs against his ear. "I just won't allow myself to consider it until I know you are able to do the same." When he meets eye contact she smiles softly. "What? You said it yourself, nobody is completely evil. There is a tiny part of me that allows love. You know this, or you wouldn't trust me to help raise your children. We'll just call it a work in progress okay?"  
  
"Suits me fine." He answers before claiming her not so roughly this time. He takes his time making love to her, giving more passion and tenderness than they usually endure during their sexual liaisons. It was always so purely lust and physical with them and the change is actually a bit refreshing. He looks down at his future bride, pure ecstasy on her face and then closes his eyes as he reaches his climax. Maybe, if they were lucky, she would be pregnant. The one thing he knew for sure that he could embrace fully at this time was a child. His child and he has to let out a laugh when she pulls him to her again. "You're insatiable."  
  
hr  
  
"Phoebes?" Piper asks gently as she and Paige enter the apartment to find Phoebe holding a small box in her lap, rocking back and forth as she cries softly. "Phoebe, what happened?"  
  
"He's gone." She whispers brokenly. "I got what I wanted. He let me go and now he's off forming a family."  
  
"Demons don't waste time." Paige mutters then apologizes. "Sorry, Sis. It's just, I mean that seems so cold."  
  
"He was being honest with me. I think he finally decided he needed to go after what he wanted most in the world."  
  
"Ultimate power?" Piper asks, kneeling down beside her sister and looking at the photo of the two of them together. No matter how long she had wished for Cole to be out of Phoebe's life for good, she can't help but feel her sister's pain. It's almost worse then when Phoebe vanquished him. This time she knows that he is not only alive, but also moving on and quickly at that. She places a hand on her stomach and feels her baby move.  
  
"No, Piper, I think he wanted unconditional love. That's why he wants a child. Someone he can love without restraint and someone who will love him in return. He made it clear he has no plans to ever try and harm us, he will never make the first move. However, he made it even clearer that should we feel the need to come after him or his.." Her voice cracks again as a sob catches in her throat. "His family, then he would fight us without restraint. So, he's actually gone and out of my life and things are the way they were supposed to be right? We fight the bad guys and he gets to rule the underworld with a bride who wants to be Queen. One big happy ending." When she lets loose another volley of sobs, both sisters' embrace her and rock with her gently.  
  
hr  
  
He emerges from the bed silently, his nude form barely lit from the soft candlelight. She is sleeping quietly and he has no desire to disturb her. Everything he's gone through today, he should be more tired than she, yet he feels wired. The impact of his loss finally begins to pour over him as he stares out of her window into the star filled skies.  
  
I did the right thing, for both of us. Yet, she probably thinks I feel no pain. That the decision was easy and that life will be perfect for me while she has to grieve alone. A tear slides down his face as he silently allows the sobs to come. He doesn't want Luciania to hear him. Not that she would be surprised, she knows he is still part human and his emotions can't be easily turned off just because you choose to let go. He closes his eyes, his cheeks streaked with hot tears and he can see Phoebe, how beautiful she looked the first time he met her. The moment he realized he was in love with her, the way he enjoyed her evil side as well as her good. God, he loved her so much he didn't think it would be possible to breathe without her.  
  
"Are you going to be okay?" The soft voice asks from the darkness of the bed.  
  
"Yeah, just can't sleep." He mumbles, desperate that she can't hear his sobs.  
  
"Why don't you take a walk or something, Belthazor?" She offers gently. "I think you need some time to yourself."  
  
"You'll be okay?" He asks gratefully.  
  
"What? I can take care of myself."  
  
"You know that's not what I mean." Cole replies as he turns from the window, the tears now dry, but threatening to return if he doesn't make a hasty retreat.  
  
"Please, you think this is worse than when you shimmered out on me to go on a bounty call right before I was about to reach climax? Go do your thing and come back when you're ready. I'll be here." She leans back onto the pillow as she watches him immediately disappear. There is no real jealousy; she tries to tell herself. I knew he loved her. Of course he needs to grieve the loss. You don't have to be human to understand that. Besides, in a week we will be wed and I will be his bride. I'm certain we succeeded in creating our child tonight, with the determination he put in to it, how could they not have. Closing her eyes she allows herself to drift back to sleep, fighting the urge to shimmer over to the Halliwell mansion and do some vanquishing of her own. No, I gave him my word and I will not give in to this. He's mine now. Belthazor is mine.  
  
hr Cole sits on a bench in a park looking out at the still water of the pond. The city is practically quiet, he should have went to New York. No, I want quiet. He tells himself as he allows the memories to flood through him. The air is chilly, but despite just wearing a dark blue, long sleeved silk button down shirt and some pants, he isn't all that cold. Except inside. It's as if he can feel her pain as clearly as she used to feel his own. Damn it, Phoebe, I thought Good Bye meant just that. I should be able to just walk away and forget it happened.  
  
He laughs at himself. Of course Good Bye doesn't end it quickly. It wouldn't have been worth a damn if it didn't hurt. He feels anxious, uneasy and tired of dwelling on his pain. He smiles when he feels the presence of another approach. "Announce yourself."  
  
The Warlock smiles evilly as he takes in the site of the grieving Cole Turner. "I am Macious and you're dead."  
  
Quickly changing form to Belthazor, he feels his energy boil over as the Warlock suddenly looks fearful. "You shouldn't talk to strangers in the park, never know whom you might come across." With that, he tosses a fireball at him and watches the dust settle near his feet. "Damn, too easy. Where are those nice little street gangs when you want to fight?"  
  
Amped up, he changes back to Human form and decides to actually take a walk this time. Maybe he'll get lucky and someone will just try and mug him. A nice bar fight wouldn't be bad either. Course he could see the headlines now, "Former ADA Cole Turner kills drunk in bar fight." He would need to lose Cole's life if he planned to stay away from Phoebe. In fact, he might as well stay down in the underworld come to think of it. Luciania seemed to prefer it there. He had to take control down there anyway. The last time he ran things, well, he was distracted. Not so anymore. It was time to use the power to the fullest and be damned anyone who dares to stand in his way. 


End file.
